Jan 022016

Drowning in Self-Doubt

While the new year is usually met with jubilation, I confess that I myself have come to dread it. For some, this abrupt end to the holiday season brings a sigh of relief and a breath of reflection, but for me, I’ve noticed a pattern in the last few years that the sudden lack of busyness just gives me a chance to be alone with my own thoughts. The prospect of making the most out of a new year is overwhelming to me. Plans and resolutions open up the possibilities of failure, which are not a pleasant thought. These little fears begin the ripples of negativity that eventually grow into a tsunami, leaving me to drown in my own self-doubt and feelings of worthlessness. Every January, my self-esteems tanks, I feel like a hack at everything I do and I want to quit all of it–photography, art, dance…everything. The thoughts go on and on. “Your work is terrible.” “No one likes any of the garbage you make.” “Nobody likes YOU.” “You dance like a hippopotamus.” “Why are you not an astronaut?” “WHY DO YOU EVEN TRY?” Ugh.

I don’t know how to combat these feelings except to either A) Keep busy or B) Become a hermit, and B is not an option. For 2016, my goals are to paint more, potty train Imogen, and try not to lose my mind. Those are the biggies. Happy New Year!

#art #illustration #life #drawings

Sep 132015

Today, I got the opportunity to photograph the super talented, aerialist, fire artist, and mermaid, Chantel Durelli! Such an amazing experience to be able to do this in beautiful Hawaii! @eccentricmermaidchantel #dance #dancephotography #dancer #firedancer #firepoi #firearts #hawaii #travel #sunset #jaanabaker #jaanabakerphotography #beautifuldestinations

Sep 132015

A bit of Hawaii that doesn't usually end up on the postcards. We had a rough day today. Imogen is sick and we decided to take her to urgent care 40 minutes away from where we are staying. It's the first time that she's ever been this sick and I became a bit of a wreck. I made Blaine stop on the highway on the way back so I could take this photo, once we knew that our baby was not, in fact, near death. #hawaii #bigisland #landscape #travel

Sep 132015

The Basilica of St. Mary of Angels and the Martyrs in Rome. This is the first photo I have posted that I was able to edit on a computer. I left my laptop at home for the trip, so I was editing everything on my phone. Also, as soon as I touched down in Rome, I was immediately trying to identify which buildings I've "Ezio'd" (scaled in Assassin's Creed). I think visiting a place I have immersed myself in through a video game made it more exciting for me. #italy #rome #italia #roma #rooftopview #cityscape #travel

Sep 132015

We are now back home from Italy and I am still reflecting on this adventure! I still have a bunch of pictures, so I will probably keep posting them here. This is a view of the Amalfi Coast and the town of Positano. Ciao, Italia! Sono innamorato di te! #italy #travel #amalficoast #positano #italia #beautifuldestinations #salernopuntoit